It’s time to set the record straight.
Just because it’s Valentine’s Day, it does not give all you loved-up couples permission to ask us singletons why it is we have found ourselves sitting home, come February 14.
So as a way of saving time in the future, here is a list of all the current reason as to why I am single.
I will be forwarding this link to anyone who asks me why – so, if that’s how you found this article, welcome.
As for everyone else, this list is hardly comprehensive, but most points can be transferable to other single ladies in your life. Except maybe for number six.
If your single lady can relate to number six she is probably my sister. Otherwise, my condolences to your friend.
And before you ask, yes these are all true stories, and the dating world is actually this scary.
There’s a whole #WhyImSingle thread on Twitter which proves this.
So sit tight and get insight into dating in the 21st century, with my reasons as to why I’m single.
1. Because of Tinder
I know – I’m starting in the obvious place.
And Tinder isn't all bad. It can help you out with a few things – the least of which is it serving as a reminder that you are not the only fish left in the sea.
Although, the practice itself hasn’t exactly helped the dating culture.
For example, (and I don’t know at what point this happened) but somewhere along the line it has became common practice for guys to ask for a naked selfie before you meet up with them because they “just want to know what they’re getting into”.
2. Because it doesn’t end there
I have had more conversations which begin (and then promptly end) with a guy saying something along the lines of “Want to see a video of me having a w***?” than I care to admit.
Not because I’m encouraging or even mildly enjoying this attention – because believe me, I’m not.
I just can’t believe just how often this happens.
When it comes to 21st century “pick-up lines” it is definitely used on a regular basis.
3. Because conversations are (apparently) a fine art
Attention all prospective dates: if your messages have as little thought as "K” I’m not going to respond.
If you follow that message up with “???” I’m not going to respond.
And if you follow that up with a message of just a series of random numbers and letters from your fingers mashing across the screen of your phone, I’m not going to respond.
I don’t expect War and Peace but more than just one letter would be nice.
4. Because I’m quite attached to my name
I’ve always thought I’ve had a fairly simple name.
Amy. It’s three letters, two syllables and it’s pretty easy to remember.
So please stop repeatedly calling me “Megan”.
Although lovely, that is not my name. Nor is it remotely close to my name.
(The same rule applies if you’re calling me Annie, Lauren or Emily).
5. Because it’s a lot harder to meet people than you would think
I know what you’re thinking – why is she still on these apps if this is the result.
I hear you – I, too, have a love-hate relationship with online dating. Some days I even have a hate-hate relationship with it.
But going out and meeting people isn’t always an option either.
Next time you’re out, take a look around.
Everyone is on their phone; they’re not scanning the room to see who else is there.
Besides, I can’t actually remember the last time I went out to a club and not get groped by some random guy (who was probably looking at his phone with his other hand).
And if that’s how I’m going to meet “the one” then I don’t think I want him.
6. Because my dad likes to ask ‘Why?’
I know – it seems innocent enough. There’s nothing wrong with asking questions.
That is until you bring a guy home to meet your parents for the first time and your dad – who says that he has your best interest at heart – pipes up and asks: “So you’re dating my daughter; why would anyone want to do that?”
(I’m just going to give that a moment to sink in.)
Turns out when you give someone a chance to reconsider their choice, they will.
7. Because apparently you can be “too independent”
I was hesitant to put this one in but after being told by a guy recently that I was too independent because I didn’t live with my parents and had my license, I thought I should probably include it.
(Although the fact he was acting on advice given to him from his ex probably should discredit it).
It’s not the 1900s fellas. A girl can live out of home before she’s married.
Read more: 50 modern day love songs
8. Because I don’t actually need a boyfriend
I know, I know – this probably should have put this one first (but then we would have ended on the horrors of online dating).
To be honest, it really is where this conversation should have ended (if it was ever going to start to begin with), but lucky for you, I believe in value for money and therefore gave you another seven reasons why it is, I am single.
It shouldn’t need explaining, so please stop asking.