I went to the hardware shop to get a battery for my torch. I got a four pack. They were cheap. I’ll just unwrap them and slip one into my torch.

That could be my job for the day. I could have a rest after that.

The batteries were impressively wrapped, hermetically sealed in a molded and contoured clear plastic. They shone brightly, like the future.

Getting them out of the wrapping shouldn’t be that hard, shouldn’t be that hard, shouldn’t be that hard.

There must be a seam somewhere, a pop-out perforation perhaps. Can I just get my fingernails between the plastic and the cardboard?

No, okay, maybe there are some discreet subterranean nodes that will instantly release the plastic cover from its backing.

No. This stuff must have a half-life of two thousand years.

It’s impregnable. It’s a fortress.

Maybe I could use a Stanley kniife. I’ve got a new one here, it’s not even unwrapped, unwrapped, unwrapped.

Okay, I’m not getting angry. I’m breathing deeply. I’m okay. I’m chilled.

“Yep, let’s go to lunch. Great idea, Japanese, awesome.

“Pass me that sachet of soy sauce, and the one with the ginger in it, and the wasabi.

“How do you get these things open for God’s sake? 

“How did you do that?  You used your teeth. Yeah, well I had teeth when I was 15 too.

“Is there a seam you can tear? I didn’t bring my glasses.

“No, I don’t have a torch with me.

“Hey mate, I’m not watching a youtube video to find out how to open the wasabi, okay.

“Forget it.” 

Maybe this a metaphor for the world we’re living in.

Are we sealed in, imprisoned by an environmentally unsound structure, a straight-jacket of our own making that mocks our cherished dream of personal freedom, unrestrained movement and the ability to open things?

Oh, I've got it! You twist it to the left.

Oh yeah! No don't worry about that, soy sauce comes out in the wash.

Simon Bourke is a Fairfax journalist