(Please note, names have been changed for privacy)

JACK met his first wife in 1986. She was a foreigner visiting friends in Moree.

Not long after Sally met Jack, a co-worker made a comment that Jack was a nice guy, but drank far too much.

“I brushed it off as we were all in our 20s and enjoyed a good time,” Sally said.

After moving in together Sally realised how much Jack did drink but 12 months later they were engaged and they bought their first home together. 

It was at this time that things started to get tense, and Sally was organising their wedding in her home country.

“Jack was working nights and I was working days. I put it down to him being tired,” Sally said.

“The mental abuse started, followed by him smashing several items in the house, mostly phones, so contact was lost for me with most of my family and friends back home.

“I was busy organising our wedding and just ignored it, hoping things would get better.

“Our wedding was in 1988 and we returned to Moree to live. Jack’s drinking by this time was excessive. He loved having people around drinking at our place.

“In 1990 our daughter was born. Jack changed jobs so he wasn’t working nights, and he loved being a dad. But he soon realised my time was taken up a lot with a baby and wanted me to return to work after six weeks while his mother cared for our daughter.

“We had a son in 1992 and another in 1994. At this time my life was in trouble. I had three small children, an alcoholic husband and I worked full time. He would drink every night and I would struggle to get the kids to bed before the verbal abuse started. I would feed them early as Jack would get drunk before deciding to eat, if he ate.

“When our youngest son turned one, Jack got really bad. He got really angry when our three-year-old son was put into Port Macquarie hospital with asthma while we were there for a weekend.

This is when the more serious abuse started….

Rebecca met Jack at work. He was outgoing, the life of the party, and she was the quiet one behind the scenes.

“He was very charming, was always going somewhere exciting and looked great in pink,” Rebecca said.

“Looking back our relationship was a rollercoaster. We got together in February 2007, by March he had moved in and six months later we were engaged. It was not long after I experienced the other side of him.”

Two friends told Rebecca that Jack had assaulted his first wife but they had not seen it; it was just hearsay. “Why would he do that to me? I asked myself”.

In 1996 Sally was hit over the head with a broom, splitting the left side of her head open. Jack continued to smash things with a cricket bat.

“I went to bed but the next morning when I dropped the children off to his mother’s I went to the police. He was charged with assault and an ADVO was placed on him. He returned home full of apologies but this only lasted a short time.

“I continued to work, pretending it wasn’t happening. It was always my fault. Everything I did and said upset him. I was living a life of fear and nobody knew. He went to work every day as if we were a happy family, and so did I. I was isolated, and that’s just the way Jack liked it.

“Jack’s mother and sister were my greatest comfort. They knew what was happening but couldn’t really offer a solution.”

Rebecca thought about leaving Jack but had too much invested in the relationship and her working life, and it was especially hard to walk away with nothing from a small country town. “‘No-one will believe you; you have no proof’, he would say to me. And he was right,” Rebecca said. “It was always behind closed doors. I approached a friend of his from work for help and he said he would talk to him but when I contacted police after Jack grabbed me by the throat all his friend had to say was that I was a ‘silly little girl for going to the police’.

“He was great after the first ADVO for 12 months – stopped drinking, no violence – he did everything by the book. The day that ADVO finished he bought himself a bottle of bourbon to celebrate. He slowly got back to screaming, pushing, throwing and breaking things, threatening to kill himself and our dogs.”

In 1998 Jack assaulted Sally again, this time in front of his workmates at their home.

“He was drunk and they rang the police. He didn’t come home for three days, staying in a motel until his court appearance. He was only given community service and lost his job after threatening his boss, but secured work elsewhere where he is now the manager.

“He returned to the family house and was sorry again. I knew my life was in danger every day. He had a shot gun in the house but I hid the bullets. He threatened to shoot me, then the children, then himself. All sorts of things came out of his mouth. He went to the shed one day to get the petrol to drown the house and burn us all inside. Everything imaginable was happening but I was too scared to leave. Jack always told me he would cut everything in half with a chainsaw if I ever left him, and I would never leave him alive; he would shoot me.

“My daughter was 10-years-old by now and slept with a phone under her pillow incase she had to ring the police. They listened to Jack every night from their beds. He kept control of my life, ringing me all day checking where I was.”

In 2000 Sally was in Centrelink when she picked up a brochure – ‘are you a victim of domestic violence?’.

“It said if you can answer yes to any of the following, you are a victim. I answered yes to everything!”

This was Sally’s turning point in life. She finally realised she was a victim and it wasn’t her fault. She went home and rang the domestic violence hotline who told her and the children to leave as soon as possible. 

Sally had to plan her escape. She called the women’s refuge, her parents, the police and a lawyer. She started to empty things from the house without Jack noticing and informed the school and both their employers, but everyone was sworn to secrecy. “If Jack found out I would be dead,” Sally said. 

On black Friday of 2000 they made their escape. A friend dropped Sally and the kids to the refuge who had a car waiting to take them to Narrabri to catch the train out of town.

At court Sally was granted custody for the family to start a new life in her home country, but Jack was granted visitation three times a year, and in 2003 he didn’t send the children home after their visit, forcing another court appearance. 

“Our children have all been mentally affected by this. Both the oldest have attempted suicide, been on anti-depressants and had counselling. Our youngest was seven when we left and he was assaulted by his father earlier this year when he stopped Jack assaulting his next wife.”

Rebecca said the last time Jack assaulted her he also assaulted two of his sons. 

“If it wasn’t for his son standing up to his father I wouldn’t have had the support or proof to leave,” Rebecca said.

“The decision to leave was now so clear and everything fell into place, and he was arrested. I stayed five years. Looking back I should have walked out that first night but every time he always promised it wouldn’t happen again. I needed qualified help to have the understanding, knowledge and ability to deal with my situation,” she said.

“I will forever be grateful that my step son was visiting us that night. And for the senior constable that took my statement and supported me through the next few months of leaving town, having to give evidence against my ex-husband who was found guilty on all three counts of assault and is now on a two-year good behaviour bond with a suspended six-month jail sentence. The support from the Women’s Domestic Violence Court Advocacy, who were there with me every minute I was in court; I was not alone anymore.

“For months I couldn’t be on my own at night and I still have bells hanging on the bedroom window. I still have fear that he will hurt me but most of all I have my freedom. We go to court again in September; what happens if they believe his sob story and grant him unsupervised access to our child? Why should I live in fear of joining the club that Rosie (Luke Batty’s mum) is in? He has been found guilty of assaults on his wives and children – that should be enough to stop him – but will it?

“I think our government needs to change the privacy laws when it comes to domestic violence. A victim’s life is more important than someone’s privacy. Repeat offenders need stronger punishments. The fear doesn’t stop because you stood up for yourself, but there is hope, and there is qualified help available.

“If this helps one person break the cycle, hopefully that person will help someone else and we won’t be known as the country that has one woman a week die from domestic violence,” Rebecca said.

“My ex husband is a coward who once looked good in pink!”